There is this book called, "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. I have never actually read this book, but have heard so much great stuff about it. My mother-in-law read it, loved it, and told me all about it. If you haven't read it, apparently there are 5 different ways that we respond to love. I guess you can kind of gravitate toward a few or all of them, but generally you respond to one in particular. So, the 5 languages of love are: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts.
Now I'm sure that with different people in your life, it will vary a little. But interestingly, I took this facebook challenge to see what is my Love Language. So I thought for sure I would be "acts of service" because there is nothing I love more than to come home and have the house spic and span. But surprisingly I am "quality time."
So the "ah-huh" moment came when I asked JJ what his Love Language is. He told me it was "physical affection" at #1, and not too far behind was "quality time." So another catch to this whole Love Language thing is that we tend to do for others or our spouse what our OWN Love Language is.
So when JJ comes home from school and the house is spic and span, and he doesn't give the response that I would typically give to such an act, and to top it off, he throws his doctor's bag, jacket, and tie all over the house, I'm feeling a little sad at this point and feeling a little unappreciated, because in my head I'm thinking that he should appreciate it as much as me.
So the lesson to me is that it's not that he doesn't appreciate that act, but that it's just not as important to him as it is to me. I guess all he needs is a big hug when he comes in the door....wish I would have known that sooner, it sure is a lot easier! :)
Just thought I'd share, although it would have been more helpful to know in the beginning of our marriage. If you haven't already, learn your Love Language and your spouses' as well. You might come to some interesting realizations yourself.
5 months ago
2 comments:
That book is great. You really need to read it, even though it sounds like you get the gist of it already. My top 2 love languages are physical touch and quality time. Ironic, since Autrey can't really speak those languages from 1,000 miles away. Maybe that's why it's so hard when he leaves...
I thought this book would be so cheesy, but I'm really glad I read it! And you can apply it to your kids, too. Asher is a cuddle bug, but Evan is definitely NOT. I used to feel guilty for not cuddling Evan as much, but then I realized he probably doesn't care because it's not his love language!
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